Monday, October 29, 2018
How to Switch off Negative Chatter and Have More Fun!!!
Most people have been handed a lot of negativity as they grew up. The grown up (parents, teachers, television, everybody), not knowing the detrimental effects of put-downs or criticism, and being frustrated in their own lives, often and unknowingly, projected their own programmed fear to their children. “Are you ever going to get it right?” “What’s wrong with you?” “How could you be so stupid?” Or it could be subtle – a disappointed sigh or disdainful look. (You: Oh, I let them down again! I’m not good enough.) After a bit, we internalize the criticism and they don’t have to say a word because the negative “program” is imprinted in our minds and it becomes a default button when things go badly. At this point, the program has become a neural pathway in your brain and presents as habitual negative chatter. The question is: What to do about it? The answer is to reframe your limiting beliefs. Here are some steps to do that. First: recognize when you have negative chatter. That can be as easy as noticing how you feel. If you feel angry, resentful, victimized, even bored, you have negative chatter. Then notice your body. Where are you feeling tight? Clenched jaw, teeth grinding, knot in your stomach, lump in your throat, making a fist, tight shoulders or back? Your body never lies and it will always reveal your thoughts. Then, focus on one tight area and ask yourself, what have I been saying to myself? Do this as you release the tension. A great way to get in touch with your tension is to write about it. When you focus on your rigid jaw and ask yourself, what have I been thinking? Your brain dump can be, “I’m mad that I didn’t get the promotion at work. Or, I feel ignored at parties. I think I got a raw deal with something.” Brain dumping on paper is a great way to release negativity. You can keep a brain dump journal. When you have fully expunged the negativity, create a little ritual of tearing up the paper or throwing it in the fireplace. Some people go so far as to bury it. Your choice! The next step is where things get interesting because it involves two parts. Part one is actually confronting the negativity straight on. For instance, “I always get passed over for promotion” or “things never turn out well for me” is addressed with a question – is that true? It is up to you to come up with evidence of validity. And, if you do find legitimate proof, the next question is, “why have I chosen to direct my life that way?” Now you are moving into “victim” territory. Living with victim mentality is highly destructive because you have set a life course for disaster and unhappiness. Truth: Victims are NEVER happy and they are very often attached to their victim whoa is me life. It can be their claim to fame. I have actually seen people exit a positive, uplifting talk or workshop and immediately look for someone to tell their “victim” story. That person needs a hobby. You get the point. Once you have confronted your “story,” the second step is to make up a new one. Whereas the first part of the process is a brain dump, this part is a brain shift. You literally have to shift your mind to a positive possibility. If you don’t’ do this, your mind automatically defaults to our old negative position. That is because you have invested many years into the “poor me” scenario. Thus your new story will need a fair amount of reinforcement to become a neural pathway. Therefore, if your old rendition is, “I’m not good enough,” start your new tune with, “ I am more than good enough.” Think about your positive attributes such as kindness, gentleness, patience, generosity, being a good listening, keeping your word. (Everyone has positive qualities.) Follow that with what life looks and feels like to be more than good enough. Example: “people love to hang out with me.” Visualize people inviting you to hang out and laughing and having fun together. Visualize an active social life. Or, visualize people asking you for feedback or assistance at work and how good it feels to help them out and how much they appreciate you. Another example: “Things never go my way.” First step find the evidence. Is this a true statement? Why do I want to hold on this idea? What do I want my new story to be? Visualize a new scenario – serendipitous things happening all the time. People give you the right of way, you buy one item and receive two because today we have a special. Compliments fly at you from everyone! You get the idea. The next very important step is to ask yourself if you really want this new positive life and if so, why? It is vital to have positive motivation to keep yourself moving. If your intent to change is not solid, you will put out a half-hearted effort and then say the process doesn’t work. Truth: it only works if you work it. If you receive a lot of rewards for having a sad story, you may not be ready to change. Answer truthfully, are you ready to release negative chatter and move to a more joyful experience? Here is a summary of the process: · Recognize the negative chatter. Notice it. · Feel the negative energy and determine where the tension is in your body. · Challenge the negative chatter. Is it true? What is the truth? · Decide if you want to keep the “poor me” story going forward or create a new one. · Design a new story with positive feelings and affirming thoughts. · I’m adding a bonus step – be grateful. Grateful you noticed the negative chatter, you challenged it, and you are creating and experiencing a new outcome. Do this over and over until it becomes your default process and soon the negative chatter will be gone and your life is brighter and you are happy. Comedian Groucho Marx must have gone through this process because these were his thoughts about starting his day. “Each morning when I open my eyes, I say to myself, ‘I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead; tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.” Jean Walters is a best-selling author, Transformational Coach, Akashic Record Reader. You can reach her at firstname.lastname@example.org or 314 991 8439. Website: www.spiritualtransformation.com