How to Be Alone

Most people fear being alone. They do not understand that there is treasure to be found in aloneness. For it is only through being by yourself that you can find true bliss. The mind is constantly stimulated, busy, agitated as you focus out there where drama after drama unfolds. So we think that being present in the material world with its noise and chaos is the place to be. “I am bored. I need noise, distraction, stimulation. The ego cultivates fear of aloneness. Here are some ego messages. You might be familiar with them. “What is wrong with you – you are alone. You must be unloved. You are a loser.” These are reasons people avoid being by themselves. I don’t want to miss anything.” These are messages from the ego and they convince us that being alone is dangerous. “You might miss something.” Yes, probably a nervous breakdown. The issue is that we have constructed an identity – a false one – that is dependent on the material world. It starts with your name, then your circumstances. You call yourself a male or female, an American, Indian, European or South Sea Islander, or any other locational signature. You also identity all sorts of material conditioning such as tall/short, blonde, grey, or redheaded and various religious ethnicities – Hindu, Jew, Muslim, to name a few. These are external distinctions and designed to fool you in believing that these tiny elements are who you are. This whole identity fiasco will rein true until you examine deeper into your psychic and gift yourself the adventure of aloneness. The first inclination with aloneness is call it loneliness and get busy. Do something. Why? Because you want to run in fear and that is how the ego distracts you from the moment. How you are useful, industrious, a doer? Do something, don’t just be - wash windows, clean something, sort papers, make a phone call. The mind is indoctrinated into busyness, and freaks out when asked to be still. It can even become depressed…. “You are useless, a bum, lazy, good for nothing.” These are fear thoughts and they are conjured from old programs planted in your subconscious mind. They all relate to some identity you have taken on in your past they now rule you. If you get past that phase, the next one will be to offer yourself to nature. The natural world is still and rhythmic and primarily peaceful. Go into nature as Jesus went to the mountain or the desert, where there is emptiness. There you can release the stress of your material life and all that goes with it. Don’t stay for an hour - linger longer. Stay in the natural world until your mind quiets and then stay longer. Remain until your body relaxes and begins to breathe and then stay longer. Be still. You are beginning to experience your inner world. It is in rhythm with nature. In the Western world this stillness is a monumental accomplishment. Not so much in Eastern countries where silence is cultivated. Just grant yourself permission. In time you will get the hang of it and it will nourish you. Perhaps heal you. Stay in the stillness for three days or a week – maybe three months. Remain until you have forgotten all the roles you play and the ways you clothe yourself with identity. Stay until you become nothing – just quiet emptiness. From this point, you can move into deeper quiet. Let the mind drift into feeling – deep feeling. Feel your breath. Notice its texture, temperature and rhythm. Feel your body organs function, and feel your spirit. Let it expand so that you are able to move beyond your physical self and feel the space you occupy and then all space. Your mind will begin to change texture as you do this. It becomes softer, lighter. Stay there. No judgment, no anything, just beingness. You know the saying, “Be still and now that I am God.” Loneliness is not the same as aloneness. Loneliness is always questing after something. It is painful and demoralizing. It is the ego never being or having enough. When you cultivate aloneness, you are at peace. It is like dropping all the makings of the world and listening deeply. There is something that would speak to you. Have you created the inner space for it? Have you opened your heart with wonton desire to receive it? Be still and know that I am God. Be still – be still. Take time to practice aloneness. It will put everything in perspective because when you are alone, nothing else exists. It is like the contentment of being in the womb. Everything is provided and you are safe and nourished. No wonder babies cry when they leave the peace of the womb. They are essentially leaving the Garden of Eden, where there is love and no stress. As you get stronger, the craziness of the material world dissolves and what remains is YOU – vast and still like the forest at dusk or a clear, calm mountain lake. Be still and you will know yourself. That is mastery. Jean Walters is author of: Set Yourself Free: Live the Life YOU were meant to Live! Be Outrageous: Do the Impossible - Others have and you can too! and Dreams and the Symbology of Life (author: Jean Walters-Lucy) all available on Amazon.com ENJOY!