Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Be Careful Who You Listen to

Switch off Negative Mental Chatter; Switch on Self Affirmation Don’t randomly accept other people’s beliefs and opinions. People project their beliefs onto others. It is called transference. If someone thinks you are not making the best use of your talents, then more than likely, he is not making best use of his. If someone believes that nothing works out for them, then it doesn’t (for them). That does not mean anything about you. If someone lives with a lot of “should messages,” it doesn’t mean that you have to. “You should play it safe,” “You should do as you are told; never make waves or take risks.” There is no flow, excitement or growth in shoulding yourself. In other words, figure out what works best for you and live by those principles. You pay a heavy price for hanging out with Debbie Downers. It conditions you to expect the worst in every situation and makes you slightly crazy. If you get caught with a downer, take a break, go to a quiet place and let yourself download the insanity and judgments until you can get back to your center. Remember all the insanity of negativity amounts to a child throwing a temper tantrum. I’m mad; I didn’t get my way. Let it go. Along these lines, never let anyone put you down (and that includes yourself). If someone is coming from a negative view it may not be enough to recognize that he is talking about himself. You may need to let go completely. It depletes your energy to deal with Negative Nellies and people who only want to see the worst in others. By letting go, you create room for those who choose to see the positive to enter your life. It can’t happen until you let go. Ah, a breath of fresh air! Recognizing these patterns helps you. It is like the Buddhist Monk who was told he was to deal with a negative situation. He said, “Good, I get to practice.” Yes, life is all about practice. In this case the practice is to decide what works for you. Letting others tell you what is true negates your responsibility to draw your own conclusions and will definitely lead to struggle. I had a client who bent over backwards trying to get her mother-in-law, Dottie, to like her. She cooked the foods her mother-in-law liked, and read the books she endorsed, and even changed her style of clothes to please her. Then, one day I asked Mary, what would happen if Dottie never approves of you? Exactly how would it impact your life? Mary pondered this question and finally decided the answer was nothing. From then on Mary decided to do the things that she enjoyed - eat what she liked, wear the style that suited her, etcetera. AND, nothing did happen. If anything, Dottie was kind of impressed and she knew that she could no longer push Mary around. That amounted to growth for both of them. Action: Do your own homework. Whether it's politics, news stories, or the best way to bake a cake, ask yourself what you believe about it before asking anyone else what they think. What makes sense to you? What do you think is the best way to balance the budget? Practice having an educated opinion and stating it without worrying what anyone else thinks. Own your beliefs and thought processes. Everyone has a right to a point of view. Even if you are wrong - so what! There is no need to debate, defend, or make excuses. As you understand your own position, you will grow stronger in your ability to state it and then let go. If someone disagrees, so be it. Along with weeding out negative people, consider releasing negative groups and thought systems. Don’t listen to the news 24/7. Don’t watch horror films and doomsday television. They carry negative energy and have a detrimental effect. A person who smokes cigarettes cannot logically think that his lungs are going to be healthy and a person who drinks heavily cannot believe that his liver is not burdened. The same is true with what you take in mentally and emotionally. Inundating yourself with violence, harshness, drama, and negativity does not bode well for your mind and soul. Do be selective as to what and whom you listen to. Everyone exudes energy. Make sure you are around people who project positive, high energy. In essence, find people who are happy and have purpose and hang with them. The fact is that you are powerful and have the ability to change your life at any moment and in any way. You are powerful and each choice you make shapes your future. Jean Walters is an Amazon.com best selling author. You can reach her at jean@spiritualtransformation.com or 314 991 8439

How to Cruze through Social Events when you don't know anyone!

There is an art to feeling confident at social events and it involves giving rather than getting. Oh, my gosh, you are going to a party and you don’t know anyone! This is either a disaster ready to happen or a great opportunity. It is all in how you approach it. Do you want to tune-up your social skills and potentially make friends? Well let’s do this! Introducing yourself without feeling awkward is an exercise and it is all about attitude. First, see this event as an opportunity to meet new people, possibly make friends, and get stronger at presenting yourself. Second, get clear on your intention. Is this about them liking you or you liking them and, in the process, strengthening your social and communication skills? What’s it going to be? Having a clear intention sets the tone and ultimately determines your success. Third, create a game plan. How do you intend to go about this? Fourth, do it! Here is a story to clarify: Years ago, when I was entering the singles world, I loved to go singles dances. In the beginning I did not know anyone, so I set an intention of speaking to at least five new people at each event. “Hi, I’m Jean. Are you new here? How long have you been dancing? Etcetera.” My effort was focused on making that person feel special. That required curiosity, interest, a smile, and active listening. Nothing elaborate, right? What I discovered was that it was easy to engage with people when you focused on their need, and most people were grateful and relieved that someone spoke to them. In fact, they were way more tied in knots than I was. (That is probably true of you too.) It was a simple enough exercise to reach out my hand and introduce myself and I made a lot of friends. To frame it so that I would be at ease, I thought of it as giving friendship. The key word here is giving. The reason this was important is that many people want to GET attention and friendship without first giving it and that puts them at a decided disadvantage. Why? Because people tend to avoid a needy person. Hence, in social situations someone has to be the giver and that was me. In truth, the giver has an incredible advantage because there is no neediness in giving. Plus, a person that cares about people and offers unconditional friendship is readily sought after. Therefore, after making my initial introduction I took an interest in the other person. I GAVE them interest. Do you know that everyone likes to feel important and speak about himself? Yes! So, help him out. Show interest. The beautiful truth about letting someone else “shine” is that the attention is not on you. Choosing to make the social experience an exercise to share love, support and friendship shifts the attention goes to the other person. It is a gift because it gives them a chance to feel loved, cared for and wanted. When you consider meeting people as a “giving” action, it is fun. That doesn’t mean that everyone will respond to you, but the vast majority will, and they’ll love it, and the few who don’t have issues you don’t need to mess with. Try it; you’ll like it! Jean Walters is a Personal Growth Consultant, Akashic Record Reader, Best Selling Author and Speaker. You can reach her at jean@spiritualtransformation.com How