The Value of Receiving

Most of us have been taught that it is better to give than to receive. Actually, this is not true. The fact is that giving and receiving are of equal value and both are important in developing balanced relationships. Consider what happens when we give but do not allow ourselves to receive. There is imbalance.

Dr. Elizabeth Kubler Ross, the renowned psychiatrist, who championed dying patients in allowing them to respond to their impending demise, spoke of her mother who was a very kind and generous person. Her mother gave profusely, but never allowed anyone to give to her. Kubler-Ross said that when her mother was hospitalized as a result of a stroke, she was in the awkward position of having to receive and all the gifts that she had not allowed to be given her in her life flowed in. The fact is that she not only received them but could not deny them because of her infirmity.

I thought it was interesting that Dr. Kubler-Ross ended her life in a similar fashion. She spoke of being enraged by the confines of a body which has lost its ability to be active. Essentially, she was stuck in a bed and receiving 24/7 care from loving people. She also was not a gracious receiver. So, the law, not allowing imbalance, placed both in a position to have to receive. Isn’t it interesting how well we perceive others and how often what we see is really ourselves?

Consider the enjoyment of giving. Oprah Winfrey says she really gets excited when she is fulfilling a person’s dream or giving out cars or when she has her “favorite things” show (which is all about abundant giving to her audience members. She can’t even sleep she is so elated and charged. Yet, she too, says that receiving is not nearly so inspiring.

I think this is true of many because we forget to be excited for the one who give to us. I am excited because I know we all need to give and we all need to receive. The Law itself is exciting and inspiring.

There is definite joy is giving to others and we must learn how to experience the same joy in receiving. Wouldn’t the world be completely off balance if there were only givers and not receivers? Who exactly would we be giving to?
Years ago, a friend informed me that I was not a good receiver. I was astonished to learn that. So, I started a quest to become good at receiving. My commitment to myself was that I would receive all gifts offered to me. That was the beginning of an adventure and an awakening. Whatever people offered, I said “yes, thank you. I appreciate your thoughtfulness.” And, I did! Thus, the results: I did not buy a meal for a week. I started noticing how often people wanted to buy my food. “Yes, thank you!” There were abundant gifts of all kinds – students, friends, business cohorts offered to take care of my plants while I was out of town, drive me to the airport, do my ironing, vacations in exclusive resorts, flowers – the list was endless.

I also recognized the joy it gave them to offer these things or services to me. I understood how selfish it was to not receive; how selfish it was to only give and deny people the opportunity to give to me for all that I gave to them; how selfish my family had become by me being stuck on giving to them and not teaching then the beauty of giving and how totally imbalanced my life had become by not receiving.

When I say this “lesson” changed my life – it has. I hope this lesson will change your life as well. To start, make a commitment to yourself to be just as good and gracious receiver as you are a giver. We all like to “help” others, yet we need help too. There are many people poised to provide that service but they can’t offer until you allow it. I wish you joy and fun in learning to live harmoniously with this Law of the Universe.

Oh yes one more thing… be sure and be generous with yourself as well.

Loving People and Using Things

Some people use things and love people and others love things and use people. The former have an abundance of friends, opportunities and experiences. The latter are difficult to know because of guarded attitudes and possessiveness.
When people place their highest value in the objects they own, they must protect them. They believe that what they own sets their personal value and their understanding is that ownership creates security. In other words, their security does not come from themselves, but from their 401K plan, their house, family, and status or professional position. (Of course, any of these things can disappear overnight.) These folks have not learned to build security through trusting themselves – their talents, creativity, resourcefulness, determination, etc. Therefore they experience a kind of lack in their lives. They busy themselves warding off vulturous people, as they hold tight to meager security taking form in things. Their small mindedness produces paranoia and interferes with personal growth and taking advantage of opportunities to expand themselves by loving and learning and even making mistakes. When these people near the conclusion of life, panic sets in because, by forsaking their search for peace, they have forgotten to love themselves.
Things are transient. They can be lost, stolen, destroyed in the twinkling of an eye (look at Hurricane Katrina or the Great Depression). Then security based on possessions disappears also.
If you are a lover of things and a user of people, consider your options. If your house burned down, you lost your business and your best friend moved away, would you have sufficient self-esteem and trust to start over or would you be hopelessly devastated? Those who have lived with nothing are not afraid of losing everything because they know they will survive regardless. There is security in knowing that. They have weathered the storm and found themselves whole and complete despite it. They know they can pick themselves up and begin anew.
Let your things serve you by offering comfort, convenience, and beauty. Enjoy them for what they offer and don’t let your identity or self worth depend on them to make you valuable. You have always been valuable; you will always be valuable whether you occupy a small room or a mansion. Once you understand this, you can open your heart to life's opportunities and the freedom to investigate and enjoy relationships. Each person offers you a chance to love and be loved. As you love, you expand. You grow greater! It is true, the more you give, the more you receive and the greater you become. In time your friends will out number your possessions and your value will no longer be threatened by changes occurring in the physical world. Loving self and others opens your heart to immutable peace that can never be lost, stolen, or destroyed.
Start today by extending yourself to others in the spirit of givingness and service. When you reach out unconditionally, people reach back. Both are enriched. Is there someone in your neighborhood or work that needs a friend? Is there some way that you can ease someone’s burdens? Are you ready to be loved?
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