The Stories we Tell Ourselves and How they Control us

One of the things that adds tremendous stress to one’s life is the stories he tells himself and the impact they have on the quality of life. I knew a woman who was in her 70s and within an hour of meeting anyone she had informed them that her mother died when she was ten years old. Now it was true that her mother did die when she was young, but what purpose does it serve to educate random people as to that fact? What need is she fulfilling? Marilyn used this story to rationalize various developmental issues she had not dealt with. She did not feel she had a role model for femininity. (Television, movies, friends?). She believed she did not know how to be in an intimate relationship. She felt awkward about relationships in general. Thus the story, why am I not in a relationship – my mother died when I was ten. Why have I done this or not done that? My mother died when I was ten. And so it goes. Most people have stories they tell themselves. I have hard lots of them. I need to keep the job I have that I hate because I can’t make this much money anywhere else. (Result: misery and stress) My parents taught me to be humble, never toot my own horn or say what I can bring to the table. (Hence: no career advancement.) I must stay in this abusive relationship because who else would want me. (Result: low self-esteem and misery.) These stories either increase or deflate energy. Your story expands or depletes your self-opinion and confidence. Stories can keep you hooked into anxiety provoking positions. Example: I always get nervous around people; I am awkward, shy, introverted, backward, not good enough, not that smart, etc. I am Italian, Jewish, Albanian, European, a daughter of the American Revolution – you name it. People use these labels to identify themselves and the labels conversely create limitation and with limitation comes stress. Each label carries a meaning, or it wouldn’t be used at all. We provide the story to define who we are and then we are trapped by it. When the woman who lost her mother at ten tells her story, she is explaining why she hasn’t grown beyond the challenges of her early life. She has convinced herself that she cannot move beyond the stilted image she has created of herself. And, yet, in her life she became strong as she learned to navigate life without the nurturing influence of a mother. She really doesn’t need to keep telling the story. When we tell “our” story, it is important to note if it has become a prison, a safe haven, an excuse, or a jumping off place. Just because you were born an orphan and spent years in foster home and orphanages (like Wayne Dyer) does not mean you are any less equipped to manage life than someone who grew up in a “Father knows Best” family, or the Waltons. Living within various cultural, ethnic, locational, stories can squeeze us to follow traditions and cultural patterns that are not right or a bad fit for who we want to be. If we confine ourselves within the story, we may not have room (space) to explore new, creative possibilities. Consider the stories of your life. How do you feel about them? Do they serve you? Is it time to let go or look at them from another point of view? Possibly resolve them – rewrite a story or create a new one. Are there challenges and difficulties you have blamed on external conditions or other people when what you are dealing with is just a story that needs revision. Have there been opportunities you lost because you were attached to a story that precluded taking advantage of them. Observe your stories. You speak them all the time, to others and to yourself. It could be a “poor me” narrative that has been there a long time and has repeatedly gotten in the way of living a joy-filled life. Oh, wouldn’t you just know that I would get a traffic ticket, house fire, released from a job, lose a friend etc. (Name the pain.) This victim narrative keeps you small, miserable and anxiously waiting for the next shoe to drop. When you catch yourself in “story-mode,” step back and ask yourself if this yarn you’ve been telling yourself is making your life better or worse? Is it increasing or diminishing your happiness? Is it blaming someone else for your circumstances? If the answer is yes, the story is generating angst, self-doubt, and stress, and it needs to go. You are the one that can change it, revise it, eliminate it, and move on. As you master each story, you will find it easier to live without drama and judgment. You will be able to look for potential in each circumstance and be willing to address it as a matter of growth. With each step, you become calm and peace grows. Jean Walters is the author of: Be Outrageous: Do the impossible - Others have and You Can too! - Set Yourself Free: Live the Life YOU were Meant to Live! Speaker, Akashic Record Reader, Life Coach - you can reach her at jean@spiritualtransformation.com or 314 991 8439

Be Bigger than the Problem

The human egoic mind loves to focus on what is wrong – the problem. And when it is given license to do that, the result is unhappiness. Centering on what doesn’t work or what isn’t magically fixed according to your personal timetable brings on frustration and anger. It is the trick of the ego to run our lives – to be in control of the mind, mood, and outlook. But it doesn’t have to be that way. The truth is that who we are as energy, Spirit, and possibility is way bigger than the small ego centric, fear-based mind. A New York resident hosted visitors from a small town to his city. It was the first time they had been to a big city and they were overwhelmed and thought the place awful, dirty, and chaotic. Thus, Tom, the resident, decided to take his friends to the top of the Empire State building. He did this in the evening when the stars were bright, and the city lights were gleaming. In their view from the top of the building they could gaze out over the vast landscape and the sparkling city lights and observe the movement and flow of people. From this vantage point, they could see the beauty and life flow of the big city. “It is like a dance!” they exclaimed. “it is beautiful!.” Hence we discover that the point of view you take makes the difference in how you judge a situation. As you move above specific circumstances and observe from a higher dimension, possibilities open. The ego loves to keep the mind clamped down in judgment and it will always find “the problem.” Yet, at any time, we can walk away from the doldrums and drama of earthly life. We can let go of anxiety and annoyance and shift our perspective and as we view our circumstance from a different angle or dimension, we experience new choices and freedom. Jesus repeatedly went to the mountain to pray and meditate. We must do the same. We go to a higher perspective to release into our Greater Mind those things that seem bigger than we are and discover they are not. From this higher awareness, as we revel in the lightness and freedom of Spirit, material concerns disappear. We once again recognize that I AM greater than this moment and situation. The secret or the art to maintaining this higher focus is to remember to be in the world but not of the world. And, as we do that, we can experience our earthly journey without getting hooked into drama, impatience and fear. We can experience joy! The mind moves faster than the body and faster than the world. We see the correction and completion of the problem and yet it is not corrected or completed as fast as we want it to be. We are in a process. We must be willing to see it complete and yet go through the process, step by step. Slow down; enjoy the steps. With each step our mental vision syncs closer to material reality. Everything in good time. Find the rhythm and flow with it. Wholeness is achieved by going to the mountain (high place). In a way we must live there. We can view the earth as a movie or play from this high place, but we never leave the mountain. The mountain is our home. Jean Walters is a best selling Amazon author, Transformational Coach, Akashic Record Reader, and Speaker. You can reach her at jean@spiritualtransformation.com

Be Careful Who You Listen to

Switch off Negative Mental Chatter; Switch on Self Affirmation Don’t randomly accept other people’s beliefs and opinions. People project their beliefs onto others. It is called transference. If someone thinks you are not making the best use of your talents, then more than likely, he is not making best use of his. If someone believes that nothing works out for them, then it doesn’t (for them). That does not mean anything about you. If someone lives with a lot of “should messages,” it doesn’t mean that you have to. “You should play it safe,” “You should do as you are told; never make waves or take risks.” There is no flow, excitement or growth in shoulding yourself. In other words, figure out what works best for you and live by those principles. You pay a heavy price for hanging out with Debbie Downers. It conditions you to expect the worst in every situation and makes you slightly crazy. If you get caught with a downer, take a break, go to a quiet place and let yourself download the insanity and judgments until you can get back to your center. Remember all the insanity of negativity amounts to a child throwing a temper tantrum. I’m mad; I didn’t get my way. Let it go. Along these lines, never let anyone put you down (and that includes yourself). If someone is coming from a negative view it may not be enough to recognize that he is talking about himself. You may need to let go completely. It depletes your energy to deal with Negative Nellies and people who only want to see the worst in others. By letting go, you create room for those who choose to see the positive to enter your life. It can’t happen until you let go. Ah, a breath of fresh air! Recognizing these patterns helps you. It is like the Buddhist Monk who was told he was to deal with a negative situation. He said, “Good, I get to practice.” Yes, life is all about practice. In this case the practice is to decide what works for you. Letting others tell you what is true negates your responsibility to draw your own conclusions and will definitely lead to struggle. I had a client who bent over backwards trying to get her mother-in-law, Dottie, to like her. She cooked the foods her mother-in-law liked, and read the books she endorsed, and even changed her style of clothes to please her. Then, one day I asked Mary, what would happen if Dottie never approves of you? Exactly how would it impact your life? Mary pondered this question and finally decided the answer was nothing. From then on Mary decided to do the things that she enjoyed - eat what she liked, wear the style that suited her, etcetera. AND, nothing did happen. If anything, Dottie was kind of impressed and she knew that she could no longer push Mary around. That amounted to growth for both of them. Action: Do your own homework. Whether it's politics, news stories, or the best way to bake a cake, ask yourself what you believe about it before asking anyone else what they think. What makes sense to you? What do you think is the best way to balance the budget? Practice having an educated opinion and stating it without worrying what anyone else thinks. Own your beliefs and thought processes. Everyone has a right to a point of view. Even if you are wrong - so what! There is no need to debate, defend, or make excuses. As you understand your own position, you will grow stronger in your ability to state it and then let go. If someone disagrees, so be it. Along with weeding out negative people, consider releasing negative groups and thought systems. Don’t listen to the news 24/7. Don’t watch horror films and doomsday television. They carry negative energy and have a detrimental effect. A person who smokes cigarettes cannot logically think that his lungs are going to be healthy and a person who drinks heavily cannot believe that his liver is not burdened. The same is true with what you take in mentally and emotionally. Inundating yourself with violence, harshness, drama, and negativity does not bode well for your mind and soul. Do be selective as to what and whom you listen to. Everyone exudes energy. Make sure you are around people who project positive, high energy. In essence, find people who are happy and have purpose and hang with them. The fact is that you are powerful and have the ability to change your life at any moment and in any way. You are powerful and each choice you make shapes your future. Jean Walters is an Amazon.com best selling author. You can reach her at jean@spiritualtransformation.com or 314 991 8439

How to Cruze through Social Events when you don't know anyone!

There is an art to feeling confident at social events and it involves giving rather than getting. Oh, my gosh, you are going to a party and you don’t know anyone! This is either a disaster ready to happen or a great opportunity. It is all in how you approach it. Do you want to tune-up your social skills and potentially make friends? Well let’s do this! Introducing yourself without feeling awkward is an exercise and it is all about attitude. First, see this event as an opportunity to meet new people, possibly make friends, and get stronger at presenting yourself. Second, get clear on your intention. Is this about them liking you or you liking them and, in the process, strengthening your social and communication skills? What’s it going to be? Having a clear intention sets the tone and ultimately determines your success. Third, create a game plan. How do you intend to go about this? Fourth, do it! Here is a story to clarify: Years ago, when I was entering the singles world, I loved to go singles dances. In the beginning I did not know anyone, so I set an intention of speaking to at least five new people at each event. “Hi, I’m Jean. Are you new here? How long have you been dancing? Etcetera.” My effort was focused on making that person feel special. That required curiosity, interest, a smile, and active listening. Nothing elaborate, right? What I discovered was that it was easy to engage with people when you focused on their need, and most people were grateful and relieved that someone spoke to them. In fact, they were way more tied in knots than I was. (That is probably true of you too.) It was a simple enough exercise to reach out my hand and introduce myself and I made a lot of friends. To frame it so that I would be at ease, I thought of it as giving friendship. The key word here is giving. The reason this was important is that many people want to GET attention and friendship without first giving it and that puts them at a decided disadvantage. Why? Because people tend to avoid a needy person. Hence, in social situations someone has to be the giver and that was me. In truth, the giver has an incredible advantage because there is no neediness in giving. Plus, a person that cares about people and offers unconditional friendship is readily sought after. Therefore, after making my initial introduction I took an interest in the other person. I GAVE them interest. Do you know that everyone likes to feel important and speak about himself? Yes! So, help him out. Show interest. The beautiful truth about letting someone else “shine” is that the attention is not on you. Choosing to make the social experience an exercise to share love, support and friendship shifts the attention goes to the other person. It is a gift because it gives them a chance to feel loved, cared for and wanted. When you consider meeting people as a “giving” action, it is fun. That doesn’t mean that everyone will respond to you, but the vast majority will, and they’ll love it, and the few who don’t have issues you don’t need to mess with. Try it; you’ll like it! Jean Walters is a Personal Growth Consultant, Akashic Record Reader, Best Selling Author and Speaker. You can reach her at jean@spiritualtransformation.com How

God is Not a Personality

Even though many people have been taught that God is a man sitting on a throne tossing about orders (punishments and rewards) and you must stay on his good side, and, of course, there are various rules for doing that, it is NOT TRUE. God is not a personality. God is not a form. It is the energy of love, kindness, compassion that has the unlimited capacity to mold into anything you obsess over, dream about or ask for. You are never separate from this loving, guiding essence in that you are always in and of the Quantum Field of energy. It is that in which you live, breath, and have your being. In other words, you cannot sever your tie to God. You can ignore it or pretend it doesn’t exist, you can create mental constructs that disavow the existence of God, but you cannot separate from It. Your power is in how you choose to interact with It. In other words, what you think and desire, and how you feel and react are what mold your on-going reality. God has no limitation or judgment on what you choose to create. You have been given free will to envision chaos and drama or peace, friendship, and joy. You were blessed with this gift of free will at the moment of creation. Thus, the question, where do you choose to place your attention? This is a crucial decision because what you focus on, you increase/create. Period! Most people focus on the past and it is no shock that today is a replication of yesterday and last month. Why? because you have chosen to obsess about the past. It is your focus. Also, there is a tendency to give other people power over your life. Someone doesn’t like you or disapproves and that becomes the point of focus. It can literally ruin your day! It is called “other” orientation and can be consuming. The truth is that you can be fine and even excellent if someone doesn’t like you. All great leaders have been disliked because great leaders stir the pot and provoke change. Many people are afraid of change and will fight to sidestep it. Thus they create chaos and drama because they begrudge change. Yet change is the order of the day and it cannot be circumvented anymore than you can avoid day progressing to night or night evolving into day Do you obsess over what happened yesterday, who said and did what? Do you run the previous marriage (relationship) or ex-spouse through your mind on a regular basis – reviving the past? If so, you are still married to that person and you cannot move on. Do you ruminate over the boss’s mood or judgment from a week ago and, in the process, disavow the present moment? Do you rebel against your situation without putting forth new, positive energy and focus? You are in control of your destiny. The only person you trouble is yourself. Is it time to release resistance or be right? If you choose battle, someone will show up to battle with you. And when you are ready (your timing) you can move on to the next phase of an expanded life... greater joy, new friends, new work, more opportunity– whatever. Is it time to take the next step? To do that requires letting go of the old ways and listening for new possibilities. It starts with you BEING a new possibility. Go to your heart and let your inner Light begins to expand. This is an internal process. The external will follow. You will be guided. The ego loves battle; the Self loves peace. Be peace. Jean Walters is a Transformational Coach and Akashic Record Reader. You can reach her at jean@spiritualtransformation.com or 314 991 8439. http://www.spiritualtransformation.com Her books can be purchased on Amazon.com

Conditioning for Wealth

Did you know that to be rich you must “become one with wealth.” That means you cannot see yourself as lacking and experience wealth at the same time. You must condition your thinking and feeling to be so comfortable with the idea of having money (as well as all wealth) in your pocket, bank accounts, and investments that the thought of poverty or lack is foreign, outrageous, and incomprehensible. The poor person who thinks of wealth fantasizes. It is a fantasy because to him the thought of abundance is outlandish, absurd. Often, we will affirm that he doesn't have money or can't pay the bills. Therefore when he, through a turn of events, acquires money, something happens to push it away. This something could be an unexpected event – car repair, illness, storm damage, refrigerator breaks, etc. In other words, an unforeseen happening that makes the money go away... disappear. The poor person holds such strong mental image of poverty that he, in effect, rejects money. Whereas, an individual who identifies with money (and all good things) and knows he will always have plenty, carries himself in a totally different manner. When this person acquires wealth, he is comfortable – things are as they should be. He is one with wealth. Having money is a natural state for him. There are no repelling, anxious thoughts influencing his consciousness and causing rejection of wealth. The wealthy person’s mind is conditioned to accept and attract creative ideas and solutions. “Of course, I have money. I should have money. It is right to be wealth (have friends, vacations, parties, time to relax, a lovely home and vehicle. This is right according to the laws of the Universe. The Universe is abundant and so am I. “ (There are millions of leaves on every tree and they are grown without any undue effort on the part of the tree. There are unlimited varieties of flowers, people, cultures, foods, places to visit, books to read, creative ideas to play with, inventions to launch, things to learn and discover available at any given moment. Whatever you need or want, it is available and possible. If you want to have an abundance of all good things, become one with the idea of wealth. LOVE the abundance you already have – friends, freedom, comfort, kindness, work to do, choices to make. Feel a sense of expansion and wealth. Revel in it, think it, accept it, and become it. As you do this, ideas will flow to you and from ideas come wealth. This is how you develop receptivity and conditioning for wealth. Make this a practice every day. Start with gratitude and become wealth. Jean Walters can be reached at jean@spiritualtransformation.com - website: http://www.spiritualtransformation.com - 314 991 8439 She is a Personal Growth Consultant and Coach, Speaker, and Author

Physics, Forgiveness, and Living in Vastness

Ever since Albert Einstein discovered the Unified Field, Quantum Physics has made a great leap in understanding that the basis of all life is light. Of course, the reference to Light is as old as the Bible wherein Genesis states that God said, Let there be light and there was light. Thus the idea of light is not new and perhaps we are catching up to this concept that is as old as forever and possibly the key to life everlasting and living in joy. The science of physics now indicates that if you were to take a high-powered microscope and look deep within matter (any matter – a chair, desk, human body), you would find one element – light. So what does this mean to you and me? We are made in the light of God. We are the light of God. Another name for light is love. The great teacher, Jesus, said that if you want to know for sure that you are love, forgive your enemies. That might sound astounding but if you were to contemplate the concept you would discover that since love (or light) is the only infinite element, it is more sustainable, and enduring than fear, anger, animosity, resentment, hate or anger. Love endures, outlasts and outlives fear or “low energy.” As you forgive your enemies, you are not forgiving actions. You are forgiving people. To go a bit farther, you are forgiving distraught, wounded, misguided people. In other words, anyone with unloving intentions is grounded is trauma, fear, and woundedness and has lost his sense of connection with love – the deep essence and core of every being, the underlying reality. It is not that love has disappeared or dissolved for that is not possible. Love is the essential building ingredient of all life as expressed in Genesis. It is that folks have bought into a world of form and become distracted from their inner essence of love and because of that disorientation have limited their experience of life to a small body, a few friends, a 40 hour a week job, and mortgage payments. In other words, they are looking at circumstances rather than the beauty, vastness, and possibilities in which we live. Yet, there is more and now may be the time to expand your vision. The sky goes on forever and the oceans are vast. The air we breathe is limitless and so are the varieties of people and possibilities of what we can do, be, experience and become. Start each day with a moment of wonderment. Look at the world with the eyes of a child – amazed at the beauty and vastness all around you. Try to keep that sense of openness in every situation. If you get stuck in a conflict (mental or physical) remember that you are made of light substance – the highest vibrational element there is. As you remind yourself of this truth you will begin to feel love and lightness flow in you. Go to your heart for a direct connection. Ask yourself, what does my heart say about this situation? As you relax, you will have your answer. Each day that you do this, you will get stronger in understanding and identifying your true essence. Ever since Albert Einstein discovered the Unified Field, Quantum Physics has made a great leap in understanding that the basis of all life is light. Of course, the reference to Light is as old as the Bible wherein Genesis states that God said, Let there be light and there was light. Thus the idea of light is not new and perhaps we are catching up to this concept that is as old as forever and possibly the key to life everlasting and living in joy. The science of physics now indicates that if you were to take a high-powered microscope and look deep within matter (any matter – a chair, desk, human body), you would find one element – light. So what does this mean to you and me? We are made in the light of God. We are the light of God. Another name for light is love. Jesus said that if you want to know for sure that you are love, forgive your enemies. That might sound astounding but if you were to contemplate the concept you would discover that since love (or light) is the only infinite element, it is more sustainable, and enduring than fear, anger, animosity, resentment, hate or anger. Love endures, outlasts and outlives fear or “low energy.” As you forgive your enemies, you are not forgiving actions. You are forgiving people. To go a bit farther, you are forgiving distraught, wounded, misguided people. In other words, anyone with unloving intentions is grounded is trauma, fear, and woundedness and has lost his sense of connection with love – the deep essence and core of every being, the underlying reality. It is not that love has disappeared or dissolved for that is not possible. Love is the essential building ingredient of all life as expressed in Genesis. It is that folks have bought into a world of form and become distracted from their inner essence of love and because of that disorientation have limited their experience of life to a small body, a few friends, a 40 hour a week job, and mortgage payments. In other words, they are looking at circumstances rather than the beauty, vastness, and possibilities in which we live. Yet, there is more and now may be the time to expand your vision. The sky goes on forever and the oceans are vast. The air we breathe is limitless and so are the varieties of people and possibilities of what we can do, be, experience and become. Start each day with a moment of wonderment. Look at the world with the eyes of a child – amazed at the beauty and vastness all around you. Try to keep that sense of openness in every situation. If you get stuck in a conflict (mental or physical) remember that you are made of light substance – the highest vibrational element there is. As you remind yourself of this truth you will begin to feel love and lightness flow in you. Go to your heart for a direct connection. Ask yourself, what does my heart say about this situation? As you relax, you will have your answer. Each day that you do this, you will get stronger in understanding and identifying your true essence. Jean Walters is a Personal Growth Consultant and Coach, Akashic Record Reader, Author, & Speaker. You can reach her at jean@spiritualtransformation.com - her books are available on Amazon.com website: http://www.spiritualtransformation.com